"It wasn't supposed to be like this."
26. Poop suits aren’t enoughThe special antimicrobial racing suits being designed for rowers to compete in shit-filled water? Probably won’t work.
25. Human body parts on the beachYep, right next to where athletes will play volleyball.
24. Even Stephen Colbert agrees
23. ZikaGolf is being played at the Games for the first time in 112 years. But the world’s top-ranked golfer, Jason Day, will not go to Rio due to Zika. In a statement he mentioned his “concerns about the possible transmission of the Zika virus and the potential risks that it may present to my wife’s future pregnancies and to future members of our family,” even though the CDC has said Zika is not a long-term problem for couples who are planning on having children in the future.
22. It will be hard to test for dopingThe only lab that’s accredited to test athletes’ blood and urine in Brazil has been shut down, according to Deadspin. The World Anti-Doping Agency claimed there will be workaround procedures in place, but since the problem with another doping scandal was that samples were tainted, this could open the door for lots more doping.
21. They killed the freaking mascotThey killed the freaking mascot!
20. Financial emergencyRio has declared a state of “public calamity.” The government has been forced to take emergency actions just to host the Olympics.
19. SuperbugsTwo separate scientific investigations have found antibiotic-resistant super bacteria in the water where athletes will compete.
18. Rio is basically a police stateConcerns about crime and political unrest have transformed Rio into a high-tech surveillance wonderland of security cameras and smartphone sniffers, as Motherboard reports in this really creepy story.
17. Journalists are backing outIt’s not just athletes who are wary about Zika. Now a “handful” of NBC staffers have refused to travel to Rio, including Today anchor Savannah Guthrie, who is pregnant.
16. Athletes are backing outThe first US athlete to withdraw from the games due to Zika is cyclist Tejay van Gardener, who is concerned about transmitting Zika to his pregnant wife. A handful of other athletes have cited Zika as a reason they’re not going.
15. BankruptcyTecnosolo, the construction company in charge of the velodrome, has declared bankruptcy and now another firm is scrambling to complete the $43 million structure by August 11.
14. ViolenceA gold medalist sailor from Spain and two other members of the team were robbed at gunpoint. Muggings have become a concern with security budgets slashed.
13. Doping23 athletes in an IOC investigation have tested positive for doping in a massive doping scandal that could ban a total of 31 yet-unnamed athletes “from 12 countries and six sports” from participating.
12. CorruptionOfficials are currently investigating what happened to missing federal funds earmarked for several venues, including bodies of water that were supposed to be cleaned for the games (see #6).
11. ZikaSending 500,000 people to the center of an outbreak of a yet-to-be-understood disease might create a global pandemic.
10. InequalityRio’s poorest residents have been shouldered with the heaviest burden for the Olympics—and some of them have already lost their homes in the process.
9. Some countries might not be invitedDue to some Russians who were already outed for doping, Russia might be barred completely, and because it didn’t comply with an anti-doping agency investigation, Kenya may not be able to compete at all either.
8. Political scandalsBrazil’s president has been suspended after being impeached (although some reports say she’s being unfairly targeted by political enemies). But that’s not all! More than half of the members of Brazil’s senate are also being investigated for crimes.
7. Brazil’s recessionThe Brazilian economy is in free-fall. And the Olympics—or even worse, a financially unsuccessful Olympics—might plunge it even further downward.
6. PoopThe shitty (literally, shitty) water that the country refused to clean up has the potential to make athletes sick. Also, the money allocated to do this was probably stolen.
5. Unfinished infrastructureThe extension for Rio de Janeiro’s Metro Linha 4 that connects the major venues hasn’t even been finished. That means traffic will be an absolute nightmare.
4. Dangerous infrastructureThe infrastructure for the games that has already been finished is falling apart and killing people.
3. Bad luckWe just found out that South Korea, the country set to host the next Olympics, secretly did a really, really horrible job last time. So that’s reassuring.
2. International sporting events suckNo one wants to host them. And the IOC seems like a bunch of jerks.
1. But seriously, ZikaDude, if the recommendations are that pregnant women or even people who are considering getting pregnant shouldn’t attend—will anyone even go?
» The Atlantic: "What Happens When There’s Sewage in the Water?"
» ESPN: "The Promise Rio Couldn't Keep"
» CNN: "Olympics: Rio 2016's 'perfect storm'"
» Reuters: "Studies find 'super bacteria' in Rio's Olympic venues, top beaches"
» Quartz: "Rio’s most dangerous levels of deadly air pollution are at the Olympic Stadium"